Wednesday, April 28, 2010
i miss us. but. i'm...
learning. to let it all go.
i know. it's for the best.
i shall stand up on my own feet once again. once again.
this time, i'll never fall in love again. i'm tired. i've done enough. i dont wanna love anymore. game over in the field of love for me. flings or whatever, no more true feelings. i dont want to be subjected to this kinda hurt over and over again.
topics covered today:
- CASHFLOWs
- Partial Differentiation. omg. i still got so much i dont know. wthhhhhhhhhhh~
topics to cover later:
-Ratios
-Every topic in maths (i cant even remember what they are)
-CAPM
WHY ALL CALCULATIONS. AM GOING NUTS! );
shit. i damn giddy whole day. cmi le. i need to rest. read one more illustration from lecture for ratios and off to bed i go.
goodnight peeps (:
learning. to let it all go.
i know. it's for the best.
i shall stand up on my own feet once again. once again.
this time, i'll never fall in love again. i'm tired. i've done enough. i dont wanna love anymore. game over in the field of love for me. flings or whatever, no more true feelings. i dont want to be subjected to this kinda hurt over and over again.
topics covered today:
- CASHFLOWs
- Partial Differentiation. omg. i still got so much i dont know. wthhhhhhhhhhh~
topics to cover later:
-Ratios
-Every topic in maths (i cant even remember what they are)
-CAPM
WHY ALL CALCULATIONS. AM GOING NUTS! );
shit. i damn giddy whole day. cmi le. i need to rest. read one more illustration from lecture for ratios and off to bed i go.
goodnight peeps (:
spin me silly, 1:40 AM.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
i'm glad i talked to you on msn and asked you to stop avoiding me. now it feels like we're friends again. or at least, not strangers.
maybe. just maybe. its better this way. i'm on my own. you're on your own. we still talk, still share, but we're each on our own. each having our own lives.
maybe. just maybe. we'll be closer friends this way. forget the hugs, forget the kisses. just enjoy the company while it lasts.
and life will get better... hopefully.
shit. i need to study but nothing much's going into my brains. in panic mode already! code red! ):
I WANT A SPORTS CCA MANS. oh come on, start female waterpolo already! ):
maybe. just maybe. its better this way. i'm on my own. you're on your own. we still talk, still share, but we're each on our own. each having our own lives.
maybe. just maybe. we'll be closer friends this way. forget the hugs, forget the kisses. just enjoy the company while it lasts.
and life will get better... hopefully.
shit. i need to study but nothing much's going into my brains. in panic mode already! code red! ):
I WANT A SPORTS CCA MANS. oh come on, start female waterpolo already! ):
spin me silly, 2:26 AM.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
mum suddenly brought your name up in our conversation in the car as we drove past sajc again...and the tears came free-falling once more. i didnt even expect myself to cry, but everytime i have a break inbetween from studies or during meals, my thoughts are always on you.
i guess, i still really miss you alot. why did you ever let me go...
stop avoiding me please. come back on msn. its the only way i get to see that you're fine these days...come back...
i dreamt you said sorry to me and that you still love me yesterday night. and i woke up this morning, reality hit me, and i was near tears again, slapping myself to come to terms with it. its times like this, that dreams hurt.
i guess, i still really miss you alot. why did you ever let me go...
stop avoiding me please. come back on msn. its the only way i get to see that you're fine these days...come back...
i dreamt you said sorry to me and that you still love me yesterday night. and i woke up this morning, reality hit me, and i was near tears again, slapping myself to come to terms with it. its times like this, that dreams hurt.
spin me silly, 10:52 PM.
i miss your voice. i miss your smses. i miss the way we used to be. before we became a couple, and some of the funny times we were a couple. oh come on, be my friend already...i will be able to handle it even if you dont wanna be a couple with me le.
feel like kicking him in the belly/balls. sighs.
time to sleep! jiayou with coaching later big guy...have fun with little sabby and the other kids. hope he sees a happy spongebob with patrick star today. haha.
(though you'll never see my jiayou notes here)
first i cant sms you, now you dont come on msn. there's really no way i can get to you except in my dreams or telepathy already right. grr.
goodnight, sweetdreams big b. life really just isnt the same without you. i hope you're doing fine without me..judging from the fact you can do whatever you want without having to report or share with me. go to all the parties, go clubbing...everything you said to make me hurt after my older cousin came to find me the other day.
and haha. did you stumble across fml webby when you were trying to make yourself feel better too? i stumbled over it while trying to cheer myself up when you broke up with me...and i gotta say, it does make you feel like your day is alot better, coupled with a few good laughs. haha.
feel like kicking him in the belly/balls. sighs.
time to sleep! jiayou with coaching later big guy...have fun with little sabby and the other kids. hope he sees a happy spongebob with patrick star today. haha.
(though you'll never see my jiayou notes here)
first i cant sms you, now you dont come on msn. there's really no way i can get to you except in my dreams or telepathy already right. grr.
goodnight, sweetdreams big b. life really just isnt the same without you. i hope you're doing fine without me..judging from the fact you can do whatever you want without having to report or share with me. go to all the parties, go clubbing...everything you said to make me hurt after my older cousin came to find me the other day.
and haha. did you stumble across fml webby when you were trying to make yourself feel better too? i stumbled over it while trying to cheer myself up when you broke up with me...and i gotta say, it does make you feel like your day is alot better, coupled with a few good laughs. haha.
spin me silly, 2:58 AM.
Friday, April 23, 2010
stop avoiding me already.
i can see you're so actively trying to avoid me every meal time. is there really a need to?
if thats your reply to the question i've yet to ask officially, then i accept it. just, lets us go back to the days when we were chattable friends again. back to the days last august till december...i just dont wanna lose our friendship cause of a broken relationship. its too much of a pity. i think, i can lie to myself we've never dated before, if thats what it takes to make you back into a friend who'll stop all this avoiding crap and talk to me again! wah lao.
you need to stop smoking more and more each day just because we've broken up. you need to stop eating all the oily and junk food cause we've broken up and i cant stop you from looking after your health anymore. think of your mum please. she needs you to be strong and fit and healthy to take care of her till her old age. your dad too.
smoking and all the oily food just doesnt make it right. especially with your fainting spells. please watch your health...
studying was pretty fruitful today. because i went to a revision room with kath. it was peaceful, it lemme be in sync with myself for once. to let me have a peaceful day with less messy thoughts.
somehow or rather, my thoughts always float to him. "he's sending grace home now? he's at pioneer macs now? he sound asleep already? he's coaching the little kids again..wonder if they're as adorable today? " sighs, doubt i'll never get the answers to these questions. he's pretty much avoiding me nowadays. sms also so cold. zzz. seriously, i think even normal friends like grace and daryl gets treated in a better way. haha. so dumb can. why are you avoiding me? i'm all ready to be a friend again, just a friend if you want nothing else to do with me already. just a friend if you dont love me already. i'm sure i can hide any remaining feelings deep down.
played wii tennis ytd. at least it still shows something. our sporty gene and love to win and accept challenges, are all still there. our teamwork too. our mo qi. hahaha. it was fun once again. for a moment, it felt like everything went back to last sept, when i first got to know you. (: then again, after all these, i know you better than anyone now. haha.
lost 1 kg the whole week. wah lao. this is good. cant eat from all the things i have to cope withhh! ):
needs a sporty holiday mans. come on, when's cable ski! RAHHHH. i swear if you continue to avoid me or continue being rude, i'll kick you off your ski the next time we go cable ski. HURMPH.
wheeeee.
i can see you're so actively trying to avoid me every meal time. is there really a need to?
if thats your reply to the question i've yet to ask officially, then i accept it. just, lets us go back to the days when we were chattable friends again. back to the days last august till december...i just dont wanna lose our friendship cause of a broken relationship. its too much of a pity. i think, i can lie to myself we've never dated before, if thats what it takes to make you back into a friend who'll stop all this avoiding crap and talk to me again! wah lao.
you need to stop smoking more and more each day just because we've broken up. you need to stop eating all the oily and junk food cause we've broken up and i cant stop you from looking after your health anymore. think of your mum please. she needs you to be strong and fit and healthy to take care of her till her old age. your dad too.
smoking and all the oily food just doesnt make it right. especially with your fainting spells. please watch your health...
studying was pretty fruitful today. because i went to a revision room with kath. it was peaceful, it lemme be in sync with myself for once. to let me have a peaceful day with less messy thoughts.
somehow or rather, my thoughts always float to him. "he's sending grace home now? he's at pioneer macs now? he sound asleep already? he's coaching the little kids again..wonder if they're as adorable today? " sighs, doubt i'll never get the answers to these questions. he's pretty much avoiding me nowadays. sms also so cold. zzz. seriously, i think even normal friends like grace and daryl gets treated in a better way. haha. so dumb can. why are you avoiding me? i'm all ready to be a friend again, just a friend if you want nothing else to do with me already. just a friend if you dont love me already. i'm sure i can hide any remaining feelings deep down.
played wii tennis ytd. at least it still shows something. our sporty gene and love to win and accept challenges, are all still there. our teamwork too. our mo qi. hahaha. it was fun once again. for a moment, it felt like everything went back to last sept, when i first got to know you. (: then again, after all these, i know you better than anyone now. haha.
lost 1 kg the whole week. wah lao. this is good. cant eat from all the things i have to cope withhh! ):
needs a sporty holiday mans. come on, when's cable ski! RAHHHH. i swear if you continue to avoid me or continue being rude, i'll kick you off your ski the next time we go cable ski. HURMPH.
wheeeee.
spin me silly, 11:29 PM.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
周蕙-守护者
天亮了你也离开了
回忆躺在房子里发热
你的喜怒哀乐
我会好好的收藏着
梦想一起有多难了
现在你却往哪里去呢
送给你的相册
一直睡在一处不动声色
我以为可以做你身边的守护者
陪你远走高飞不算什麽
一打打的理想容不下多我一个
却带走我的祝福和天空颜色
我以为可以做你身边的守护者
陪你一起分享喜悦快乐
你坚决没有束缚总是比较难的
未来天气变得如何
都要自己撑着
it totally explains all my feelings now. listen to it again and again also can cry.
domokun...i miss us. );
天亮了你也离开了
回忆躺在房子里发热
你的喜怒哀乐
我会好好的收藏着
梦想一起有多难了
现在你却往哪里去呢
送给你的相册
一直睡在一处不动声色
我以为可以做你身边的守护者
陪你远走高飞不算什麽
一打打的理想容不下多我一个
却带走我的祝福和天空颜色
我以为可以做你身边的守护者
陪你一起分享喜悦快乐
你坚决没有束缚总是比较难的
未来天气变得如何
都要自己撑着
it totally explains all my feelings now. listen to it again and again also can cry.
domokun...i miss us. );
spin me silly, 11:32 PM.
Monday, April 19, 2010
i cannot do this anymore. i really cant.
i try to study, try to concentrate, but i cant. and i feel horrible. because i wanna do well for exams, but i just cant because i keep thinking and thinking.
i hate it that i love you. i really do.
i cant eat much, i've lost interest in everything and my parents are already angry with me for behaving liddat because they love me and to see me hurt liddat, its painful to them too.
why are you so cruel to me?
i cant believe myself, that i wanted to go back to you, and beg you to not break up with me.
because its been too soon to just let go. because i still love you alot. because we've yet to work through thick and thin together. how can you do this to me?? at a time like this??
i'm in tears up till now. the 4th day of breakup.
my eyes are already so small.
i cant hear from you anymore, cant receive sweet messages from you anymore, cant hear you say you love me anymore, do you know how lonely i feel and how sucky it is?
help. someone just kill me, if it can make all this pain go away. if not, i'll probably end up quitting school if i failed year 1 because i really cant study, not because i dont want to.
mum and dad. i'm so sorry. really really sorry.
i try to study, try to concentrate, but i cant. and i feel horrible. because i wanna do well for exams, but i just cant because i keep thinking and thinking.
i hate it that i love you. i really do.
i cant eat much, i've lost interest in everything and my parents are already angry with me for behaving liddat because they love me and to see me hurt liddat, its painful to them too.
why are you so cruel to me?
i cant believe myself, that i wanted to go back to you, and beg you to not break up with me.
because its been too soon to just let go. because i still love you alot. because we've yet to work through thick and thin together. how can you do this to me?? at a time like this??
i'm in tears up till now. the 4th day of breakup.
my eyes are already so small.
i cant hear from you anymore, cant receive sweet messages from you anymore, cant hear you say you love me anymore, do you know how lonely i feel and how sucky it is?
help. someone just kill me, if it can make all this pain go away. if not, i'll probably end up quitting school if i failed year 1 because i really cant study, not because i dont want to.
mum and dad. i'm so sorry. really really sorry.
spin me silly, 1:37 PM.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
it took me 2 days to realize, that all i need to make me happy, to make me smile, is b. to hear his stories like i once used to, to hug him when he's down and stressed, to just hold his hands or lie on his shoulders. i pondered over the things he said, the reason why he wanted to breakup with me, and i realized i havent been rationale in the way i behaved.
all i want now, is to have him back, for him to call me to tell me first whenever he's happy, sad, hurt or whatever. i have the confidence to be able to accept it that he might not be able to spend quality time with me because he's chasing his dreams. i have the confidence to just be there to be the supportive gf he needs. but i dont have the confidence over one thing, if i asked him to be my bf again after exams, will he say yes? will he still love me like before? i want to make amends. i just want him in my life and to care for him wholeheartedly again.
i've been silent because i always thought he didnt love me, then gradually, it turned to silence because he didnt want to share anymore, as everytime he shared, i would be unhappy, thinking he doesnt want to spend time with me. then he told me all the things he's been doing just to be a better bf, like coming all the way to school when he cant concentrate in school, to just pei me when he can, and i havent seen that from my point of view.
i dont wanna live my life with regrets. i'll let him have his break for now. i'll let him have a breather again. but after exams, which would end almost a month later, i'm gonna throw away my pride, throw away everything, just to see if i can have him back again. i think we both needed this break to think things through. i only hope b still loves me after all these.
i dont wanna stress him anymore. i just wanna be supportive and continue loving him. his smiles, his voice, his act cute, his zhao sia singing, his telling me everything, from little sabby who loves spongebob, to trigger fishes and photography, are all it takes to make me smile and happy again.
i want you back b, and i'm willing to do what it takes. i only hope, that you'll not run away from that second chance we have. cause i still really love you and i wanna show it to you. i just need this one last chance. dont be afraid. dont run away from it. dont fear. i'll be here this time and we'll get through everything together. this time i have the confidence, cuz from your tears, i know you still love me too. although i made you really tired with my nonsense. just give us one more chance, that's all i ask for. (although you dont know my blog exists, and probably wouldnt get to see this anyway. haha)
and after i came to this decision, i feel alive again. i can only pin on to this little bit of hope i have left in being happy again. i'm barely eating, barely sleeping, barely even alive since i lost him ytd. and suddenly it hit me what i want, is what i've just lost. please. let me. have back what makes me happy again.
all i want now, is to have him back, for him to call me to tell me first whenever he's happy, sad, hurt or whatever. i have the confidence to be able to accept it that he might not be able to spend quality time with me because he's chasing his dreams. i have the confidence to just be there to be the supportive gf he needs. but i dont have the confidence over one thing, if i asked him to be my bf again after exams, will he say yes? will he still love me like before? i want to make amends. i just want him in my life and to care for him wholeheartedly again.
i've been silent because i always thought he didnt love me, then gradually, it turned to silence because he didnt want to share anymore, as everytime he shared, i would be unhappy, thinking he doesnt want to spend time with me. then he told me all the things he's been doing just to be a better bf, like coming all the way to school when he cant concentrate in school, to just pei me when he can, and i havent seen that from my point of view.
i dont wanna live my life with regrets. i'll let him have his break for now. i'll let him have a breather again. but after exams, which would end almost a month later, i'm gonna throw away my pride, throw away everything, just to see if i can have him back again. i think we both needed this break to think things through. i only hope b still loves me after all these.
i dont wanna stress him anymore. i just wanna be supportive and continue loving him. his smiles, his voice, his act cute, his zhao sia singing, his telling me everything, from little sabby who loves spongebob, to trigger fishes and photography, are all it takes to make me smile and happy again.
i want you back b, and i'm willing to do what it takes. i only hope, that you'll not run away from that second chance we have. cause i still really love you and i wanna show it to you. i just need this one last chance. dont be afraid. dont run away from it. dont fear. i'll be here this time and we'll get through everything together. this time i have the confidence, cuz from your tears, i know you still love me too. although i made you really tired with my nonsense. just give us one more chance, that's all i ask for. (although you dont know my blog exists, and probably wouldnt get to see this anyway. haha)
and after i came to this decision, i feel alive again. i can only pin on to this little bit of hope i have left in being happy again. i'm barely eating, barely sleeping, barely even alive since i lost him ytd. and suddenly it hit me what i want, is what i've just lost. please. let me. have back what makes me happy again.
spin me silly, 10:20 PM.
i cant stop crying, especially when i'm alone in my room now.
the tears just come free falling, uncontrollable.
b and i, broke up, after we decided that what we need from each other is not what each other can give to us..it was so saddening. i saw b cry for the first time too. i'm gonna miss him.
much as i hate to admit it, i still love him. its just that, love really aint just enough. i'm sure he'll move on fine, without me.cause he's well, more focused on his own.
stop my fking tears please. i am sick and tired of myself being liddat. why am i such a weakling? trying to put up a brave front and act all happy and high and smiley in front of them. once i got out of the lan shop, all i could do is stare into space while waiting for my dad, and once i got into the car, i started bawling. non stop. till now. even as i had dinner. wth is wrong with me. why am i such a weakling. why why why.
b was the one who decided to end everything and not drag it on..not even a cooloff period. i'm really sad to lose him, but there's really nothing i can do to change things. i should be looking forward and staring the 18 days to exam in the face. i need to concentrate. i need to. for myself. this time for myself. not for anyone else.
i'm really very upset. my eyes cannot take the tears already.
somebody, get me outta my misery. i'd do anything to be happy again. anything.
the tears just come free falling, uncontrollable.
b and i, broke up, after we decided that what we need from each other is not what each other can give to us..it was so saddening. i saw b cry for the first time too. i'm gonna miss him.
much as i hate to admit it, i still love him. its just that, love really aint just enough. i'm sure he'll move on fine, without me.cause he's well, more focused on his own.
stop my fking tears please. i am sick and tired of myself being liddat. why am i such a weakling? trying to put up a brave front and act all happy and high and smiley in front of them. once i got out of the lan shop, all i could do is stare into space while waiting for my dad, and once i got into the car, i started bawling. non stop. till now. even as i had dinner. wth is wrong with me. why am i such a weakling. why why why.
b was the one who decided to end everything and not drag it on..not even a cooloff period. i'm really sad to lose him, but there's really nothing i can do to change things. i should be looking forward and staring the 18 days to exam in the face. i need to concentrate. i need to. for myself. this time for myself. not for anyone else.
i'm really very upset. my eyes cannot take the tears already.
somebody, get me outta my misery. i'd do anything to be happy again. anything.
spin me silly, 1:20 AM.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
thanks liyi. thank you for always being there for me.
thanks rena, for calling all the way from aussie to show how much you care.
thanks finny, for hearing me out when i needed someone to talk to while i couldnt study.
i'm glad i have you guys by my side. it really means a lot to me. you three touched my heart.
i got angry and sent a furious sms to him today, after he sent a msg back telling me he's gonna shut off his phone so that he could concentrate. and that he's going home for dinner tmr. i asked for some 2 person time, and not join the rest for l4d...because i wanted to sort things out so that i can finally concentrate on my studies, and stop letting my heart rule my head. if only he didnt mean so much to me, maybe i wouldnt be so miserable now. i used a stern tone to reply how much i hated it that i keep trying to ask him out to resolve our issues, but time and again he refuted it. cause i'm really at my limit. i need reassurance. i need love. i need him to be there for me, especially in times like this when i need him.. i'm not a robot. i'm human... if only he understood. i told him to be fair, that i want to resolve things so i can get down to studying too.
and he replied in a pissed off tone again, that tomorrow after poa class, we'll talk. cause he cant take my emoing anymore.
looks like i'm gonna end up crying again. is this gonna be the end?
he sent that msg at 3pm. i didnt reply. and now its 11.50pm, i can almost swear, that i'll not get a concerned msg or a worried phone call. he likes everything in his life to fall into place, including my emotions i guess. how is this possible?
i didnt want things to become liddat.
but its horrible. i've been bottling stuff up for 3 months, and with all the stress now, i just feel like bawling my eyes out. it doesnt help that he doesnt care about my feelings. its like he's more concerned i'm affecting his studies. if he loves me, reassured me, i would be like this now. cant he see it? );
why is my life always so miserable?!
liyi, i'll think what you said through. cause ultimately, it has to be what i want and whether its feasible in the long run. thank you for coming out with me today girl. i miss going out with you.
need to go bathe and sort out my brains now. and write down a heartfelt list and see if he can compromise too, or i dont know what to do anymore... i'm at my wits end. i care so much, i give in so much, i dunno how much more i can do so without the person i love, caring for me back. i'm so scared of tomorrow actually, cause it might be the end to him.
the end of everything i wanted and the end of a relationship with someone i love. life sucks.
thanks rena, for calling all the way from aussie to show how much you care.
thanks finny, for hearing me out when i needed someone to talk to while i couldnt study.
i'm glad i have you guys by my side. it really means a lot to me. you three touched my heart.
i got angry and sent a furious sms to him today, after he sent a msg back telling me he's gonna shut off his phone so that he could concentrate. and that he's going home for dinner tmr. i asked for some 2 person time, and not join the rest for l4d...because i wanted to sort things out so that i can finally concentrate on my studies, and stop letting my heart rule my head. if only he didnt mean so much to me, maybe i wouldnt be so miserable now. i used a stern tone to reply how much i hated it that i keep trying to ask him out to resolve our issues, but time and again he refuted it. cause i'm really at my limit. i need reassurance. i need love. i need him to be there for me, especially in times like this when i need him.. i'm not a robot. i'm human... if only he understood. i told him to be fair, that i want to resolve things so i can get down to studying too.
and he replied in a pissed off tone again, that tomorrow after poa class, we'll talk. cause he cant take my emoing anymore.
looks like i'm gonna end up crying again. is this gonna be the end?
he sent that msg at 3pm. i didnt reply. and now its 11.50pm, i can almost swear, that i'll not get a concerned msg or a worried phone call. he likes everything in his life to fall into place, including my emotions i guess. how is this possible?
i didnt want things to become liddat.
but its horrible. i've been bottling stuff up for 3 months, and with all the stress now, i just feel like bawling my eyes out. it doesnt help that he doesnt care about my feelings. its like he's more concerned i'm affecting his studies. if he loves me, reassured me, i would be like this now. cant he see it? );
why is my life always so miserable?!
liyi, i'll think what you said through. cause ultimately, it has to be what i want and whether its feasible in the long run. thank you for coming out with me today girl. i miss going out with you.
need to go bathe and sort out my brains now. and write down a heartfelt list and see if he can compromise too, or i dont know what to do anymore... i'm at my wits end. i care so much, i give in so much, i dunno how much more i can do so without the person i love, caring for me back. i'm so scared of tomorrow actually, cause it might be the end to him.
the end of everything i wanted and the end of a relationship with someone i love. life sucks.
spin me silly, 11:44 PM.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
shivering in tears.
someone help me please. please.
i cant hold out anymore.
someone help me please. please.
i cant hold out anymore.
spin me silly, 11:51 PM.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
i dont think i can take it much longer. i feel like crap. really shitty. my bf makes up part of the reason. maybe almost half the reason, and exam stress is adding on to the other half.
maybe somehow i just wasnt ready for another relationship but committed a little too fast, either that, or the feelings somehow changed. i'm scared now. scared of all the things i dont know. scared of all the nonsense. scared whether i'm drifting away from him since he's been weirder lately. scared of the near future. i'm one who has a bad temper, but when he acts up, its...2 times worse than mine. and he can flare up over the smallest things. and doesnt apologize and make me emo for 3 hours in school, sitting beside him and fuming and not wanting to even look his way. so much for bringing him a kinder surprise to cheer him up today.
b put his cap on my head to shield my head from the rain for a minute or two until we had shelter just now.
n sent me home today. and she was in the car again. AGAIN. neighbours is one thing. but everyday?! i cant ever give him goodnite kisses or i'm here for you hugs anymore.
cries.*
to bathe then to study. this is the aim. whether or not my future has him, one thing i know for sure, is my degree has to be there for me to continue having a future for myself.
maybe somehow i just wasnt ready for another relationship but committed a little too fast, either that, or the feelings somehow changed. i'm scared now. scared of all the things i dont know. scared of all the nonsense. scared whether i'm drifting away from him since he's been weirder lately. scared of the near future. i'm one who has a bad temper, but when he acts up, its...2 times worse than mine. and he can flare up over the smallest things. and doesnt apologize and make me emo for 3 hours in school, sitting beside him and fuming and not wanting to even look his way. so much for bringing him a kinder surprise to cheer him up today.
b put his cap on my head to shield my head from the rain for a minute or two until we had shelter just now.
n sent me home today. and she was in the car again. AGAIN. neighbours is one thing. but everyday?! i cant ever give him goodnite kisses or i'm here for you hugs anymore.
cries.*
to bathe then to study. this is the aim. whether or not my future has him, one thing i know for sure, is my degree has to be there for me to continue having a future for myself.
spin me silly, 10:54 PM.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
trust. that's all there is. i trust you. so have fun drinking tomorrow nite. (: a little jealous i may be, but just go and give yourself a break from studying. it'll be beneficial to you.
i need to continue studying now. screw the sleepless nights.
i need to continue studying now. screw the sleepless nights.
spin me silly, 11:55 PM.
i'm so tired. from the lack of sleep. from all the mind games going on with everyone. why cant life be as simple as fairytales? so i am the evil step sister in someone's eyes. i helped to matchmake them, and i'm the evil step sister. what has the world become?
oh well. i know i'm bitchy in some of my own ways that really gets on people's nerves sometimes. but as long as i remain true to myself and to the people whom i know i care for and they care for me, its enough. if i try to make the whole world happy, i'll just end up being miserable and suicidal (kath says that there're 4 kinds of suicidal in socio. damn amazing. haha)
hungry. oh yeah. no wonder. i only had a scone for dinner! oops. =\ this is not good. time to sleep if not tmr gastric again.
koi bubble tea. i want. ):
and to the person whom i suspect has a grudge against me, for whatever the reason, what have i done to you? why the evil laughter and crap. zzz.
oh well. competitive spirit is stressing me out. i realized i have offically 30 days left before my final yr 1 papers. oh dear me. i'm barely done. and i kinda screwed up my prelims luh. failed maths pretty badly?
gotta reach that aim. i gotta reach that goal.
mel, do it for yourself. show yourself you can. its time to gain some self confidence like b said.
rachel is the cutest ever. ok! prawning, genting, mahjong, swimming, sports activities coming up for us after exams! wheeeee~ cant wait. hopefully we'll have energy left for that. but i look forward to it! (:
hungry. hungry. gdnite!
oh well. i know i'm bitchy in some of my own ways that really gets on people's nerves sometimes. but as long as i remain true to myself and to the people whom i know i care for and they care for me, its enough. if i try to make the whole world happy, i'll just end up being miserable and suicidal (kath says that there're 4 kinds of suicidal in socio. damn amazing. haha)
hungry. oh yeah. no wonder. i only had a scone for dinner! oops. =\ this is not good. time to sleep if not tmr gastric again.
koi bubble tea. i want. ):
and to the person whom i suspect has a grudge against me, for whatever the reason, what have i done to you? why the evil laughter and crap. zzz.
oh well. competitive spirit is stressing me out. i realized i have offically 30 days left before my final yr 1 papers. oh dear me. i'm barely done. and i kinda screwed up my prelims luh. failed maths pretty badly?
gotta reach that aim. i gotta reach that goal.
mel, do it for yourself. show yourself you can. its time to gain some self confidence like b said.
rachel is the cutest ever. ok! prawning, genting, mahjong, swimming, sports activities coming up for us after exams! wheeeee~ cant wait. hopefully we'll have energy left for that. but i look forward to it! (:
hungry. hungry. gdnite!
spin me silly, 1:56 AM.
