Tuesday, July 27, 2010
getting the flu and a slight fever i think.
the thoughts, the fears, wouldnt stop going on and on in my head. i feel so upset, much as i try to be cheerful again.
I dont want my parents to worry, yet somehow no matter how hard i try, i'm still finding it hard to carry on with life after that incident.
ming, thanks so much for being here to cheer me up when i need cheering up most.
weiquan, thanks for the motivational video.
kenny, thanks for just being a friend.
vincent kor kor, thanks, i'm blessed to have a brother who actually cares what i'm going through..even though we havent met up in years. thanks for your daily messages for me to try and sleep without fears.
would have been worse off without you guys here to support me.
thank you mum and dad for trying to be here for me too. i love you both.
one thing i've learnt is to be glad that u're loved, and to treasure the ones we love.
and its times like these when you know who your real friends are, and i'm glad.
staring at the mini slowglobe kath gave me. stoning in front of it.
i think i owned the jap test today. =\ feels abit of a sense of achievement for once. jiayou mel. your friends and family are here to help you get through this depressing period. jiayou..
oh dear. i forgot to water the cactuses i bought and intend to give my colleagues this friday.. >.<
mel, be happy. be happy..
the thoughts, the fears, wouldnt stop going on and on in my head. i feel so upset, much as i try to be cheerful again.
I dont want my parents to worry, yet somehow no matter how hard i try, i'm still finding it hard to carry on with life after that incident.
ming, thanks so much for being here to cheer me up when i need cheering up most.
weiquan, thanks for the motivational video.
kenny, thanks for just being a friend.
vincent kor kor, thanks, i'm blessed to have a brother who actually cares what i'm going through..even though we havent met up in years. thanks for your daily messages for me to try and sleep without fears.
would have been worse off without you guys here to support me.
thank you mum and dad for trying to be here for me too. i love you both.
one thing i've learnt is to be glad that u're loved, and to treasure the ones we love.
and its times like these when you know who your real friends are, and i'm glad.
staring at the mini slowglobe kath gave me. stoning in front of it.
i think i owned the jap test today. =\ feels abit of a sense of achievement for once. jiayou mel. your friends and family are here to help you get through this depressing period. jiayou..
oh dear. i forgot to water the cactuses i bought and intend to give my colleagues this friday.. >.<
mel, be happy. be happy..
spin me silly, 1:06 AM.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
maybe i should be posting about how i felt the night before.
it still scares me so, to suddenly jerk awake in the middle of the night, feeling so so cold and as though i was gonna die cause my heartbeat was irregular. the fear at that moment, is something i've never felt before.
the first thought was whether i should go find my parents while they're fast asleep for some sort of comfort or to ask them to take me to the docs, or to my sister's room so that at least, i'd have someone beside me, not being alone, in my cold dark room, eyes wide open in fear as i feel my irregular heartbeat go, coupled up with the "i think i'm gonna die" kinda feeling.
i wish i didnt ever have to feel this way again. why do i have to have heart problem, while others dont? i really wish i can make it go away.. its a very very terrible feeling until i didnt dare to sleep ytd. even messaged ming a weird message...i'm so terribly embarrased.
i rather it's mental problem then heart problem honestly, but i know i'm kidding myself.
i still feel terrible now, but am trying to stay cheerful.
i wish i had someone who'd accompany me through this shit.
my mum has the same problem as me, but at least she has my dad beside her each time it happened.
i feel so sad that i always have to live in fear.
my very first thought when i woke up in fear was "i cant die, my parents have done so much for me, i gotta work and earn money and support them first. at least until its sufficient". i wish they know how much i love them.
no one can understand how i feel. but the feeling of panicking and feel like you're nearing death, is incomprehensible to many.
i still fear, i still fear until i dont dare to sleep everynight. );
i wish this fear would fade away. i wish i can live like a normal person to a ripe old age, even if its 70, i think it's sufficient for me. as long as my heart problem goes away...but who am i kidding? there's no cure for this. none in medical science at the moment...none...
so afraid. so scared. so wanna cry. cant blame me for being pessimistic now right.
it still scares me so, to suddenly jerk awake in the middle of the night, feeling so so cold and as though i was gonna die cause my heartbeat was irregular. the fear at that moment, is something i've never felt before.
the first thought was whether i should go find my parents while they're fast asleep for some sort of comfort or to ask them to take me to the docs, or to my sister's room so that at least, i'd have someone beside me, not being alone, in my cold dark room, eyes wide open in fear as i feel my irregular heartbeat go, coupled up with the "i think i'm gonna die" kinda feeling.
i wish i didnt ever have to feel this way again. why do i have to have heart problem, while others dont? i really wish i can make it go away.. its a very very terrible feeling until i didnt dare to sleep ytd. even messaged ming a weird message...i'm so terribly embarrased.
i rather it's mental problem then heart problem honestly, but i know i'm kidding myself.
i still feel terrible now, but am trying to stay cheerful.
i wish i had someone who'd accompany me through this shit.
my mum has the same problem as me, but at least she has my dad beside her each time it happened.
i feel so sad that i always have to live in fear.
my very first thought when i woke up in fear was "i cant die, my parents have done so much for me, i gotta work and earn money and support them first. at least until its sufficient". i wish they know how much i love them.
no one can understand how i feel. but the feeling of panicking and feel like you're nearing death, is incomprehensible to many.
i still fear, i still fear until i dont dare to sleep everynight. );
i wish this fear would fade away. i wish i can live like a normal person to a ripe old age, even if its 70, i think it's sufficient for me. as long as my heart problem goes away...but who am i kidding? there's no cure for this. none in medical science at the moment...none...
so afraid. so scared. so wanna cry. cant blame me for being pessimistic now right.
spin me silly, 9:11 PM.
Monday, July 19, 2010
i must be outta my mind.
naiveity no more.
the world is a better place without hatred, so i shall not hate.
its time for bed.
so many changes to my life recently. i hope everything gets better soon. ):
naiveity no more.
the world is a better place without hatred, so i shall not hate.
its time for bed.
so many changes to my life recently. i hope everything gets better soon. ):
spin me silly, 2:17 AM.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
