Tuesday, April 13, 2010
i dont think i can take it much longer. i feel like crap. really shitty. my bf makes up part of the reason. maybe almost half the reason, and exam stress is adding on to the other half.
maybe somehow i just wasnt ready for another relationship but committed a little too fast, either that, or the feelings somehow changed. i'm scared now. scared of all the things i dont know. scared of all the nonsense. scared whether i'm drifting away from him since he's been weirder lately. scared of the near future. i'm one who has a bad temper, but when he acts up, its...2 times worse than mine. and he can flare up over the smallest things. and doesnt apologize and make me emo for 3 hours in school, sitting beside him and fuming and not wanting to even look his way. so much for bringing him a kinder surprise to cheer him up today.
b put his cap on my head to shield my head from the rain for a minute or two until we had shelter just now.
n sent me home today. and she was in the car again. AGAIN. neighbours is one thing. but everyday?! i cant ever give him goodnite kisses or i'm here for you hugs anymore.
cries.*
to bathe then to study. this is the aim. whether or not my future has him, one thing i know for sure, is my degree has to be there for me to continue having a future for myself.
maybe somehow i just wasnt ready for another relationship but committed a little too fast, either that, or the feelings somehow changed. i'm scared now. scared of all the things i dont know. scared of all the nonsense. scared whether i'm drifting away from him since he's been weirder lately. scared of the near future. i'm one who has a bad temper, but when he acts up, its...2 times worse than mine. and he can flare up over the smallest things. and doesnt apologize and make me emo for 3 hours in school, sitting beside him and fuming and not wanting to even look his way. so much for bringing him a kinder surprise to cheer him up today.
b put his cap on my head to shield my head from the rain for a minute or two until we had shelter just now.
n sent me home today. and she was in the car again. AGAIN. neighbours is one thing. but everyday?! i cant ever give him goodnite kisses or i'm here for you hugs anymore.
cries.*
to bathe then to study. this is the aim. whether or not my future has him, one thing i know for sure, is my degree has to be there for me to continue having a future for myself.
spin me silly, 10:54 PM.
