Saturday, April 17, 2010
it took me 2 days to realize, that all i need to make me happy, to make me smile, is b. to hear his stories like i once used to, to hug him when he's down and stressed, to just hold his hands or lie on his shoulders. i pondered over the things he said, the reason why he wanted to breakup with me, and i realized i havent been rationale in the way i behaved.
all i want now, is to have him back, for him to call me to tell me first whenever he's happy, sad, hurt or whatever. i have the confidence to be able to accept it that he might not be able to spend quality time with me because he's chasing his dreams. i have the confidence to just be there to be the supportive gf he needs. but i dont have the confidence over one thing, if i asked him to be my bf again after exams, will he say yes? will he still love me like before? i want to make amends. i just want him in my life and to care for him wholeheartedly again.
i've been silent because i always thought he didnt love me, then gradually, it turned to silence because he didnt want to share anymore, as everytime he shared, i would be unhappy, thinking he doesnt want to spend time with me. then he told me all the things he's been doing just to be a better bf, like coming all the way to school when he cant concentrate in school, to just pei me when he can, and i havent seen that from my point of view.
i dont wanna live my life with regrets. i'll let him have his break for now. i'll let him have a breather again. but after exams, which would end almost a month later, i'm gonna throw away my pride, throw away everything, just to see if i can have him back again. i think we both needed this break to think things through. i only hope b still loves me after all these.
i dont wanna stress him anymore. i just wanna be supportive and continue loving him. his smiles, his voice, his act cute, his zhao sia singing, his telling me everything, from little sabby who loves spongebob, to trigger fishes and photography, are all it takes to make me smile and happy again.
i want you back b, and i'm willing to do what it takes. i only hope, that you'll not run away from that second chance we have. cause i still really love you and i wanna show it to you. i just need this one last chance. dont be afraid. dont run away from it. dont fear. i'll be here this time and we'll get through everything together. this time i have the confidence, cuz from your tears, i know you still love me too. although i made you really tired with my nonsense. just give us one more chance, that's all i ask for. (although you dont know my blog exists, and probably wouldnt get to see this anyway. haha)
and after i came to this decision, i feel alive again. i can only pin on to this little bit of hope i have left in being happy again. i'm barely eating, barely sleeping, barely even alive since i lost him ytd. and suddenly it hit me what i want, is what i've just lost. please. let me. have back what makes me happy again.
all i want now, is to have him back, for him to call me to tell me first whenever he's happy, sad, hurt or whatever. i have the confidence to be able to accept it that he might not be able to spend quality time with me because he's chasing his dreams. i have the confidence to just be there to be the supportive gf he needs. but i dont have the confidence over one thing, if i asked him to be my bf again after exams, will he say yes? will he still love me like before? i want to make amends. i just want him in my life and to care for him wholeheartedly again.
i've been silent because i always thought he didnt love me, then gradually, it turned to silence because he didnt want to share anymore, as everytime he shared, i would be unhappy, thinking he doesnt want to spend time with me. then he told me all the things he's been doing just to be a better bf, like coming all the way to school when he cant concentrate in school, to just pei me when he can, and i havent seen that from my point of view.
i dont wanna live my life with regrets. i'll let him have his break for now. i'll let him have a breather again. but after exams, which would end almost a month later, i'm gonna throw away my pride, throw away everything, just to see if i can have him back again. i think we both needed this break to think things through. i only hope b still loves me after all these.
i dont wanna stress him anymore. i just wanna be supportive and continue loving him. his smiles, his voice, his act cute, his zhao sia singing, his telling me everything, from little sabby who loves spongebob, to trigger fishes and photography, are all it takes to make me smile and happy again.
i want you back b, and i'm willing to do what it takes. i only hope, that you'll not run away from that second chance we have. cause i still really love you and i wanna show it to you. i just need this one last chance. dont be afraid. dont run away from it. dont fear. i'll be here this time and we'll get through everything together. this time i have the confidence, cuz from your tears, i know you still love me too. although i made you really tired with my nonsense. just give us one more chance, that's all i ask for. (although you dont know my blog exists, and probably wouldnt get to see this anyway. haha)
and after i came to this decision, i feel alive again. i can only pin on to this little bit of hope i have left in being happy again. i'm barely eating, barely sleeping, barely even alive since i lost him ytd. and suddenly it hit me what i want, is what i've just lost. please. let me. have back what makes me happy again.
spin me silly, 10:20 PM.
