Monday, September 20, 2010
school re-commences.
its back to studying, 3 hours per lecture, 4-5 days per week.
it feels like yesterday that we all were anxious and excited about the first week of school, having each other for company during lectures. the whole hwz group was so well, intact. where has everyone gone? there are a few of us left, trying to gather everyone together, anyone in fact...i miss those days.
and it came to my mind.
one year ago, on the first friday of school, while i was walking across the overhead bridge, getting to the busstop to catch a bus home, he called.
out of the blues, he called to chit chat with me and tell me that he fell asleep in class and his faux spectacles fell off. just a simple chit chat, just a simple call, got me overjoyed, got my heart beating faster, got me jumping for joy, for there and then, he was my eyecandy...
i'd never forget the times we had before we got together.
and yes, i'm still trying to get over it, almost half a year after we ended things.
hard as i try, these stupid flashbacks still floods my mind every now and then.
he's moved on, so should i. but somehow i'm still stuck in the past, suffering alone.
i've never thought i'd be the one who'll end up hanging on to the past.
until alas, i am.
i still ask myself, why oh why, did you treat me like a toy, like trash, like dirt, like anything disposable. why oh why.
i've never felt so alone, yet so at peace with myself. for once in my life, i'm not seeking a relationship, for i'm tired. for i need a break. for i've been disillusioned. i've been chasing everyone in my life who are concerned for me, away. cause i dont know if i'd ever be able to reciprocate. i dont want to hurt them the way i've been hurt. the feeling... the feeling... cant be described in words.
stuck a post-it on my mini board.
"On this day of your life, Melissa, We believe God wants you to know that when the night feels very long, remember that a brand new day is just around the corner"
Goodbye, my loved.
its back to studying, 3 hours per lecture, 4-5 days per week.
it feels like yesterday that we all were anxious and excited about the first week of school, having each other for company during lectures. the whole hwz group was so well, intact. where has everyone gone? there are a few of us left, trying to gather everyone together, anyone in fact...i miss those days.
and it came to my mind.
one year ago, on the first friday of school, while i was walking across the overhead bridge, getting to the busstop to catch a bus home, he called.
out of the blues, he called to chit chat with me and tell me that he fell asleep in class and his faux spectacles fell off. just a simple chit chat, just a simple call, got me overjoyed, got my heart beating faster, got me jumping for joy, for there and then, he was my eyecandy...
i'd never forget the times we had before we got together.
and yes, i'm still trying to get over it, almost half a year after we ended things.
hard as i try, these stupid flashbacks still floods my mind every now and then.
he's moved on, so should i. but somehow i'm still stuck in the past, suffering alone.
i've never thought i'd be the one who'll end up hanging on to the past.
until alas, i am.
i still ask myself, why oh why, did you treat me like a toy, like trash, like dirt, like anything disposable. why oh why.
i've never felt so alone, yet so at peace with myself. for once in my life, i'm not seeking a relationship, for i'm tired. for i need a break. for i've been disillusioned. i've been chasing everyone in my life who are concerned for me, away. cause i dont know if i'd ever be able to reciprocate. i dont want to hurt them the way i've been hurt. the feeling... the feeling... cant be described in words.
stuck a post-it on my mini board.
"On this day of your life, Melissa, We believe God wants you to know that when the night feels very long, remember that a brand new day is just around the corner"
Goodbye, my loved.
spin me silly, 2:08 AM.
